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6 months already!!

I know it has been six months since my last update, I am trying to get better, really I am.
So I have lost a total of 122lbs and am down almost 5 sizes in clothing. I posted a picture of me in my biggest pair of pants, that I used to wear all the time before surgery, I fit into one leg and yeah, it is absolutely amazing at the difference.
I am completely off all my diabetes medications and my A1C is a 5, which is NORMAL!! I am off most of the medications that I was on before the surgery. I am off the oxygen and I put my wheelchair up for sale today. So here is crossing my fingers that it sells. I am hoping it will.

An new me and new year....

Ah Samhain is here again. New year for those who celebrate it. With that I am home from the hospital and on the road to recovery. Unfortunately I seem to have come down with a cold which makes for healing a little slower and difficult, sigh... oh well, I will survive. I have made it this far. I am very excited about the new me and the new life I will have at the same time I am scared as hell. I am afraid I am going to do something wrong that will cause me to have major complications and I don't want that at all.
I do know that as long as I do what I am supposed to do I will be okay, it's just a very scary road for me. I have already been running the course of emotions, from happy to calm to depressed to anxious. Being home is helping me out a lot, the main thing is remembering to take in enough protein and drink enough fluids (read water). I am glad to have found some protein that tastes good to me and that I can tolerate, as the stuff in the hospital was horrid.
Now to stop sneezing so much that I feel like my incisions are going to blow open. The doctor did not seem to think that the sneezing would do much harm, but wants me to watch for signs of infection. So I will do this by monitoring my blood sugars very closely and doing what I can to make sure I am taking in a lot of fluids.

Cooking and all that....

So I have been trying to make myself busy with cooking new and inventive things. I am mostly sticking to breads right now, playing with my awesome breadmaker. So today is our Mabon celebration and I am helping cook.

Thus far I have made homemade bread dressing, made the bread and all that. Homemade yeast rolls and am currently working on the jalapeno cheddar bread. Once that is done I am going to make some chocolate pomegranate bread. Yummy.. LOL

This is Interesting...

I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

An update and a new beginning...

Okay so most of my friends know that I have been trying to schedule my bariatric surgery for a while now. Okay since last August. After many many issues with my primary care Dr and him being responsible for me not being able to have the surgery before the end of the year I decided it was time to fire him and find someone new. I did just that, I found a wonderful Dr. who has done more for me in two visits than my former Dr. did in three and a half years. So I was all excited about finally getting things straight and being able to schedule my surgery. When my new Dr. called me into the office yesterday. Apparently after being on a high amount of diuretics, that my old Dr. put me on last year after I left he hospital, my lab work can back showing that I am in acute kidney failure. You see my old Dr. should have been doing lab work to check my kidney functions every three months as long as I was on the diuretics. He never once checked my kidney functions. So my new Dr. to be on the safe side did another test to make sure that it was not a lab error. Which is what I am hoping and praying for (did I really need to tell you all that).
But yeah I am scared, really scared, because if its not a lab error, well my surgery will most definitely be postponed for who knows how long, and yeah possible dialysis in the near future, sigh.

It's times like these that I miss my mom and other people in my life. It's hard to hug yourself.

Well it's officially done...

Went to the courthouse today and filed for divorce. Shawn will be moving back to NJ on Dec 14th and it will be over. 11 years of history and 5 years of marriage gone. I am still not sure how I feel about it all. I know that we are both doing the right thing. Afterall we make much better friends than we do a married couple. But it's still sad really. I just wish things had been different for us.

I am going to go hide under my bed now.

I love my Mother-in-Law...

I love my Mother-in-Law... I love my Mother-in-Law... I love my Mother-in-Law... I love my Mother-in-Law...

I must keep repeating this mantra to myself or else I will go crazy. So the scoop is my MIL is staying with us until the house she is going to rent down here is ready for her. Now the original plan was for her to stay in NJ until it was time for her lease to be up, which is the end of this month, but instead she wanted to come down early, like the beginning of this month, so we said ok and Shawn and I and our housemates all took her in, we have been nothing but nice and giving to her, letting her come in and take over the house, re-arranging things, Shawn has let her pull down a few of his posters as well as nick knacks, because she perceives them as evil. Apparantly everything in our home is evil. She is bi-polar and paranoid, definitly paranoid, she needs help but does not want to get it. She takes her medications when she feels like it, she openly defies the few things that we have asked of her. I am to the point that I want to throw her out of my home.... and that makes me sad. Shawn is at his wits end and I feel bad for him, because this is his mother.... sigh

Finally an Update

So after spending the holidays sick and not really ever getting over it I was finally put in the hospital on Feb 22, 2009. I went in for difficulty breathing and severe fluid retention. I guess over the course of 2 months I had gained a lot of fluid and it happened in a way that I had no clue how much. The doctors initially thought I had congestive heart failure, they eventually mostly ruled that out, but other than the fact that I actually had pneumonia they are not sure why I gained so much fluid. In the course of the week that I was in the hospital I lost 71 lbs all in fluid. I am home now and feel much better, although I am still on oxygen here at home, especially at night and when I am out and about walking around, they say that it may take months for my lungs to heal fully. I am working harder at eating healthy, they took me off my insulin, because I was not needing it, so now I am controlling my diabetes with medication and diet, I have a physical therapist out to help me build up my endurance again. I am truly dedicated to losing weight and getting healthier.

This week's Update

So Shawn got me an early Christmas present, actually two. Heeeh We bought a new to us car, well actually its a mini van. Its a 2007 Chrysler Town and Country LS, it's red and pretty and it will be ours. Then the other gift he got me is a new musical keyboard so I can play and record my music, I am soooooo excited about this.

Sigh I can not wait for Christmas to be here.

Things keep going well.

As November is goming to it's middle, things are still going well for us. I am getting ready to take a girls vacation, myself, Jenn and Chelsea are all going to Mena, Arkansas for like five days, out in a cabin in the wilderness, among the fall foliage. Its going to be wonderful and beautiful and peaceful. I am going to relax and take lots of pictures and not worry about timelines and getting things done, just being at peace with myself and with nature. I want this to be somewhat of a spiritual journey. I want to get in touch with that part of myself and my beliefs that I have abandoned for so long. I want to just be, to regain some of what I have lost in myself over the last few years, I want to find me again. I hope that this trip will help, I hope that I can come home and be a better wife for Shawn, to make him happier. I want to come home and be ready to take care of him, better than I have in the last year.
Losing my mom took something out of me and I am hoping that this trip will help me find it again or at least touch it, replace it or something. I am tired of hurting all the time, I want to be happy again, I want to not feel the sadness and loss I have, I know it takes time to recover from losing your mother, but I need to be able to function, to have a life again.

Here is hoping that this will help me.